RondoFakePass
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I love my best friend. Over the last week he’s really shown me how much he cares about me. People can say what they want about our relationship, I don’t give a fuck. I love that man. When something is wrong he’s my Mr. Fix It.
We have MAJOR fall outs and hate each other for months but we always end up right back where we left off. Yes he’s my ex but before all that he was my best friend. He had my back when nobody else did.
I’m not sure if it bothers him but I try to tell him that I love him at least every other day because I do. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell him just how much I appreciate him.
How could I ever hurt him like I did? That was the dumbest decision I’ve ever made but then again if I didn’t then I don’t think I’d appreciate and love him like I do now.
Deep down I want him back but the last thing I want to do is hurt him again. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to break his heart again. I had two chances and I fucked both of them up. Smfh how could I be so stupid.
If its meant to be it will happen, so I’m just going to sit back and be there when he needs me.
These feelings suck 😢😢😢😢
This post might be long and very emotional for me because it’s not something I discuss a lot. Why because there is always someone ready to say that you’re wrong and people who love just kicking your feet out from under you. But I’m preparing to move from my home church to my Cousin’s church and I don’t want there to be any animosity on my heart from the old church.
I’m just 21 so for the past few years I’ve been questioning my faith in God.
Before College, almost every Sunday since I can remember I would get up at 8, get dressed and go to Sunday School before worship service. Some days I paid attention but others I just zoned out thinking about the next day or next few hours, whatever.
When I was high school the pastor that I’d known since was i able to walk, left to go elsewhere. He was a friend of the family so it bothered me a little but I didn’t know him as “a man of God.” I was one of the youngest in my church so I was around the Mothers of the church all the time and yes I heard them talk. So my view of him is really biased. Regardless I wish him the best on his quest to heaven.
After that we got another pastor who just didn’t sit well with me. He didn’t seem genuine about a lot of things and that bothered me so I kinda of built up this brick wall when it came to him and my faith and family. It didn’t really matter because a few months later he was gone too.
Then come the one person who just destroyed every ounce of faith that I had. He sucked all of the life and happiness out of me & he destroyed so many families in my community. I stopped praying and I started questioning my faith because of this person. I stepped away from God for a long time.
After a year or so he finally resigned and the next “Man of God” came along. I was in college at this point in time so when I was at home during the summer I got to know him and he put me over Children’s Church…. It seemed like things were ok. Not so much. I was in class one day and my mom texted me and said “Williams resigned to start his own church” … He also took most of the congregation with him. That was ok.
Then almost two years ago Pastor Jerry Bolton was introduced into the church. Off the bat he jumped into his position and started making changes. On Sundays I was in the congregation and it was just something about him that made me start praying again and I started putting the pieces of my relationship with God together. I started believing again and it didn’t take long before I started receiving my blessings.
But a few weeks ago this evilness started to rise into the church and it was all downhill. This week it finally came to a head and my Pastor resigned . All I know is I’ll never step into that church again.
I’m happy with my pastor leaving but deserves so much better than that and I wish him all the best.
As for me I’m joining Morning Star Christian Church in the first week of June. I’m really excited about it too.
One day people will realize that God isn’t someone to play with, because when this world ends you have to answer to him.
